I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
