It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
