you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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