I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
