I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
