Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
