Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
