My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
