Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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