her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
