sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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