Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
