i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
