i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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