apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
