I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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