you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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