Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
