Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
