walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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