she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
