I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Two words: blizzard sex
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
