So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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