true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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