I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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