the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize