I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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