You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
