my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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