did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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