I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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