My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
