so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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