She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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