I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
