I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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