No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Farmville is her only friend.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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