I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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