I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
