drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize