I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I intend to get homeless drunk
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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