Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
