He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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