you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
