Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
