I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
