hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Randomize
