The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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