Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
