I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
