even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
