Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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