I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
