so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
