i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Pants are for mortals
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