I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize