Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
