You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
why do cheetos always look like penises
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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