dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
