I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
