Your dad touched me again.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
