Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
