the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
