i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
