I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
