yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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