hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
