I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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