my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
