i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
