Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
