My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
