Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
