We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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