Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
should my penis look like a turkey
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize