Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
