Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
