whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize