i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
