i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
