I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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