Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
