Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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