i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
