Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
no you cant smoke seaweed
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize