I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
