my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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