my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just puked most of my soul out..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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