Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
