last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
two words...techno handjob
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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