ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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