I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
just found out that she named her cat after me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
