How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
