When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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