I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have feelings that need drinking.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
