If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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