the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
