Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
