All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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