Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
