there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
