Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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