Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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