Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She bit a glass in half.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
